svētdiena, 2011. gada 16. janvāris

a bird in a cage

somehow lately i have the feeling that everything that once was worth saving is now falling apart.
everything i'd fight for now is disappearing and just leaving me alone.
that's not my life - that's what i had until recently.
i feel wasted, not needed, i'm going blind step by step.
nothing's under my control anymore; it never was.
is there something that remains anymore?
even if there is - i don't want it, i never did.
i don't care anymore. i just don't have a proof that i would.

the best song that would express how i felt last few weeks
"The Line Begins To Blur"
by NIN

There are things that I said I would never do
There are fears that I cannot believe have come true
For my soul is too sick and too little and too late
And my self I have grown to weary to hate

The more I stay in here
The more it's not so clear
The more I stay in here
The more I disappear
As far as I have gone
I knew what side I'm on
But now I'm not so sure
The line begins to blur

Is there somebody on top of me?
I don't know I don't know
Isn't anybody stopping me?
I don't know I don't know
Well I'm trying to hold my breath
I don't know I don't know
Just how far down can I go?
I don't know I don't know I don't know

As I lie here and stare
The fabric starts to tear
It's far beyond repair
And I don't really care
As far as I have gone
I knew what side I'm on
But now I'm not so sure
The line begins to blur

PS I read an amazing manga CLOVER by CLAMP. it was weird on the beginning .. but later i got sucked in. somehow i have the feeling that every one character in that story is a part of me as well ... I'm searching for happiness like Sue, and longing for what i could never get ... I'm awaiting the day of my destruction like Ora .. and my life is occupied by sadness and forgetfulness like Kazuhiko. Somehow everyone of them .. i feel their pain. the only difference - they all had happy endings. unlike me.
but it really is a beautiful story (though i hate shoujo mangas, this one was quite awesome)

I also drew some crap ... but .. im tired of scanning and blah blah and the fffff ... so i'll just go now and hope for a brighter day .. someday it should be bright .. it .. should....

2 komentāri:

  1. I hope that it's just an effect of winter.
    Please don't feel all down, you are awesome when you smile~ *hug avalanche*

    I shall check that manga out someday.
    {p.s. last recommended anime of yours (in Isohunt) had a trojan that was a pain to remove XD}

  2. oh i'm really sowwy .. that that happened .. : ( didn't know ... there was a troooojan >_<

    12 gadu laikaa, kops seezu pie kompja, nekad nav traapiijies satikties ar vienu no tiem .. viirusiem ... MAC IS MARVELOUS

    eh gan jau ... pati censos pasmaidiit .. paldies .. lately i got not enough hugs :D